not in kansas anymore

After coming back from California this January, the first time I really realized I was out of the Berkeley bubble (hence the Dorothy-speak in the title of this post) was in church. I was talking to a guy about Obama getting elected. I was in the process of explaining the different electoral system to him, since the American system votes for propositions, school boards, etc etc etc as the same time as it elects its political figures, and the Dutch system only does the latter. I mentioned Prop 8 (the proposition to ban gay marriage by amending the California constituition which ultimately passed and thus took away the rights of LGBT (insert abbreviation here) people to marry), which of course I voted against. And forgetting that I was not in ultra-liberal Berkeley anymore, I assumed he would be against it too. Because, there, even in church, liberal viewpoints were espoused. It was one of the reasons I loved it so much there: I didn't have to hide my religious viewpoints: there were people there much more liberal than me!

I did see the confusion on that guy's face but I railroaded on because I didn't want to get into a discussion about homosexuality. He'd get out his biblical arguments, I'd get out my biblical arguments supplemented with a bunch of cultural-historical contextual arguments, we'd both get heated up and we wouldn't change each other's minds. But it did make me more careful of what I said to whom. And it put my feet firmly on the ground in Holland, even though my head was still in America somewhere.

hasidic romance

On Saturday, I started and finished Pearl Abraham's The Romance Reader. It's a wonderful book, sad and beautiful at the same time. Abraham describes a Hasidic girl's struggle to find some way she can be independent of her parents and the expectations the Hasidic culture places on her as a woman. But as I was reading it, I couldn't help focusing on how much organized religion can and often does hurt people. Orthodox Judaism in no different than Orthodox Christianity or Islam. Women are subjugated, told not to use their minds (which were surely given them by God!) and to obey their husband. Men are hemmed in as well, even if they are in a more privileged position.

Religious people are no stranger to power abuse and distorting things to fit their own agenda. And that hurts me and sometimes makes me want to give up on religion. I don't know how the christian call to "love thy neighbor" got turned into "judge everyone and make life difficult", but I'm hoping it can be reversed. Religion, when practiced right, can add meaning to lives and do wonderful things. But when done unwisely, it has the potential to ruin people's lives and do so much harm. Let's just say I understand why some people are atheists, and that it often has nothing to do with God.

from abstinence to saddlebacking

One of the blogs I read is Debra Haffner's "Sexuality and Religion: What's the Connection?". Friday, she wrote about President Obama (how I still love saying those words, even as he has become less a dream or a hype and more a reality to me and others) 2010 budget outline. To address teenage pregnancy, the budget "supports state, community-based, and faith-based efforts to reduce teen pregnancy using evidence based models. The program will fund models that stress the importance of abstinence while providing medically-accurate and age-appropriate information to youth who have already become sexually active".

That seems to me to be a very good idea. For a lot of people, abstinence is the only way to go. I respect that, I think it actually might be a good idea to wait (it's the "till marriage" part I'm not sure about - I'd rather see people wait till they're really ready for all the emotions and responsibilities that come with that terrain). But I also think it's important to be realistic. We know a lot of young people aren't waiting, and don't know the first thing about keeping themselves safe and healthy and pregnancy-free. So give them the message on abstinence, but also teach them their options.

The abstinence-only policy has resulted in some weird practices, including the phenomenon of (Christian) teens enthusiastically saddlebacking. I hardly think that was the intention..

me me me

I was half-watching a weddingplannershow while getting dressed this morning, and then I heard this line:

"It's Carl's day too, so Kimberley wants to make sure that he gets the tux she wants"
[emphasis mine]

Am I the only one that thinks there's something wrong with this sentence? For me, it illustrates my mixed feelings about weddings (not about marriages as much, but about the Big White Day of flowers, champagne, gourmet food, string quartets, pictures, you name it). Couples often seem to lose sight of the objective (spending the rest of their lives together, and celebrating that intention with family and friends) in the chaos and greed that planning a wedding often turns into. Somewhere along the way, finding the perfect rose or dress or church becomes more important than the love two people share. A first step on this path is when the bridegroom isn't consulted much, or at all. I know the logistics of weddings aren't as interesting to guys as they are to girls (generalize much, Saskia?) but if it's truly your day together, it should be planned together. Bridezilla's have lost sight of what prompted this whole day in the first place.

When I get married, if I get married, I want to stand up in front of family and friends and show them I've found happiness in this other person. I don't care much about the dress I'll be wearing, or the flowers I might be holding. I want a big party, yes, but I mostly want all my and our loved ones standing around us, beaming.

Now all I need to do is find the guy that wants the same.

Every so often I go read some conservative christian blogs. I don't do this often because they make me feel almost sick - there seems to be so much hate among conservatives towards those that think differently - and left-leaning christians, like myself, mostly take the brunt. Yet I feel it's good to know what other people think (and there's also an element of "keeping track of the enemy" in my curiosity) so I do a quick sweep every other week or so. I found the following video on Randy Alcorn's blog, Eternal Perspectives.



It shocked me. Not because of the content (thankfully, it's somewhat tastefully made, no blood, gore, or other things designed solely to shock and scare watchers) but because the makers took such a personal story (Barack Obama's life) and used it in such a way. I also found it disturbing because President Obama is pro-choice* and this commercial is pro-life yet appropriates his story.

I agree with the commercial's final slogan: imagine the potential. If I ever find myself pregnant, that is certainly what I will be doing. Were I to get pregnant at this moment, I'm 99% sure I'd keep the baby and raise it in a loving but single mother home. But I reserve the right to make my own decision. What I decide to do is between me and God and no one has the right to interfere with that. I believe this very strongly.

*another thing conservatives often don't "get": I am pro-choice, not pro-abortion. There is quite a difference. Believing in the woman's right to choose what happens to and in her body does not mean I think abortion is the best option every time and should be done easily, without thought, or at all.